Being Mommy-less

You never know a mother's true love for a child till you have one.

My father has said that to me numerous times since my mom's passing and I must admit, he's right.  Since I had Ava, I can truly feel the love and heartache of what a mom feels.  I'm not heartless, just mommy-less.  My life is full, yet some times I feel a bit empty. 

Now before you start feeling sorry for me or sad, I wanted to make this clear this is by no means to make you feel bad for me.  As my friend calls it, "I'm having a bad day.  Not having a mental breakdown." This is just me talking about something no one really talks about. Especially to someone who has lost a mother and or close parent.  

It sucks.  It really sucks.  It's never easy to think about how life is without your mom.  You walk around the world doing your daily routine, conquering each obstacle coming your way, and when you succeed you turn to your biggest fan, and she's not there.  Yes, she's looking down.  Yes, she's proud.  Yes, I'm living through her but I just miss her.  I miss her so much.  

I've realized after having Ava how much my mom loved me.  If I could go back, I would totally erase all the door slams and the "you ruin my life" moments when I couldn't spend a night at a friend's house.  She was right.  Every thing the woman has preached, lectured and yelled to me about was right!  Why is it that we learn things when we don't have it anymore?  It's the littlest things that make a difference.  

It's sometimes awkward and painful to see mommy daughter moments (yes I said it, now don't feel awkward if you wanna invite me to a show with your mom because I would love it,) but what I can tell you is that I really treasure every little moment I have with Ava. I even appreciate all the moments when I see my friends spend time or just hug their moms.  It just makes me smile. My heart feels warm.  Gosh, I miss that feeling. I work in an environment that I see women day and night, and I think because of that, it is okay to be mommy-less.  Just seeing their love makes me love that much more.  I'm okay with it.  

It's okay to ask me if I miss her.  I actually would love to hear that more often.  You shouldn't feel bad to mention a great love.  In fact, I can say people who have lost wonderful people have the greatest stories to share.  It shouldn't be a hidden issue. We should embrace and talk about it.  Is it hard without my mom?  Yes.  Do I cry at night missing her after I had a stressful day?  Of course.  Do I want her back?  Hell yea!  But now I have Ava and because of her, she brought my mommy back.  

Matching Monday

Another dream came true!  We match!

Black leggings check!  Stripe socks check!  Rain boots check!  And most importantly, our Je t'aime sweatshirt check!  

I had so much fun matching with my little princess.  Been waiting too long for this day to come true.Can't wait for many more in the future and I promise I won't embarrass you Ava! 

Forever you'll be my baby

My stickygram phone case is here!!  After waiting patiently for a month, it's in my hands and I'm in love!

Call me whatever, but this is the sweetest ever!  Original and you always have someone to smile about when you grab your phone and not to mention a great eye catcher and conversation talk.  The photos of my memories are with me always!  

We also have the stickygram magnets on our fridge.  All photos from Instagram.  

Absolutely a must get for kodak moments.  I'm obsessed! 

My little ray of sunshine

When I wake up and see her face, it pops a smile to my face.  When I come home from 12 hours of work and see her standing at the door staring at me, it warms my heart.  When she hugs and calls me mama, I know she's my life.  It's quite unbelievable what one little person can do to you.  Sometimes I still pinch myself when I look at her, "I'm a mom." 

Reality is, mommyhood isn't the easiest task but it is also one the greatest teachings in life.  My little Ava has totally changed the whole meaning of life to me.  She makes me wanna be a kid again and forget all the issues and problems that adulthood brings.  I'm so fortunate to have an amazing husband who help me immensely.  Without him this wouldn't come true, and my little Ava wouldn't be so awesome.  

Parenthood is teamwork and support.  It's not only a mom's job.  When a child sees how the parents' relationship is that's when you know how they will be. Showing love to one another shouldn't be foreign and only in bed and helping each other by splitting the task shouldn't be a "he does this and she does that", everything is equal.  With all that, an amazing kid is gonna become.  Ava's already amazing, her heart is sweet and gosh darn it, she knows what she wants.  I'm sure there will be days she's gonna be like a Tasmanian devil, but she's surely amazing.  

My parents always had their duties around the house.  It was a system.  Occasionally you would see them flirt with one another, and as a teenager it made me wanna vomit, but now I saw their love.  It taught me love.  It's all a ripple effect.  Love each other and life is just grand.

Bonjour 2014!

Happy new year!!!

So we said farewell to 2013 and hello to 2014!  Rocking it in my silk pjs and a bottle of wine, I couldn't have asked for a better start.  Relaxation.  

In 2014, my goals are to live the life of happiness.  I absolutely adore my little family, actually I'm a bit obsessed but I wanted to find my own passion among my many roles in life.  I don't want to forget who I am.  What is it about Nee that can inspire???

When I found out I was pregnant, all I did was research and read about how to be the best mom, what to do, Pinterest every idea on how motherhood should be.  Now, my little one has surpassed her first year and the fun has begun.  What can mommy do now that baby girl will wanna aspire to be??  I wanna learn how to knit, properly.  I wanna learn how to learn how to play the piano.  I wanna challenge myself more with my photography.  My husband and I signed up for cooking classes to become better chefs!  Most importantly, I wanna view life in a different eye.  

Without my husband's full support, my life wouldn't be complete.  So to 2014 and new adventures.  To many bubble baths and nights of finishing novels!  To many moments of unplugging from the technology world and to keeping in touch more with friends than sporadic texts.  To many date nights with my love and many travels abroad.  

I cannot wait to fill my book with more stories.  More courage and more excitement.  I want to be reminded that I am a wonderful wife and mom, despite how others may think, through all my journeys.  

What are some of your resolutions??  What are you hoping to discover or improve for the new coming year?? 

Wishing you a happy new year!!